


over the fence

by LaVie_EnRose



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Longing, M/M, Neighbors, RIP, Short, Sunshine - Freeform, Unrequited Love, angsty, gardens and shit, jeno and jaemin are boyfriend, lonelyness, oof, or im gonna go and kidnap them, our favorite poly couple, rad museum inspo, renjun cries sorry, sad basically, someone save china line, this is purley angst i dont know why i wrote this, this is so heavy im sorry, very simple writing style
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-01
Updated: 2019-08-01
Packaged: 2020-07-28 21:47:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20071090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaVie_EnRose/pseuds/LaVie_EnRose
Summary: beautiful beautiful boys who kiss each other and brush cheeks, bask in the sun and renjun can't do anything but want and watch.its miserable, really.(yEeT)





	over the fence

every morning renjun goes out to water his plants. 

because he's an adult and despite exhaustion and three hours of sleep, just plain old unwillingness he figures tough shit, plants gotta grow so he puts on his slippers, lugs himself out of the house and into the garden where he wanders around. in his backyard. small and too dark but he's young so big fancy houses aren't to be expected. 

he sprays them down and calls it good, routine kick of the chair propped up against the wood of the wall before he carefully, quietly, takes his place standing on the chair, head hardly noticeable with the light shinning when he peaks over like he does every morning to find them there. 

birds chirping, sky warm warm warm. clouds. blue. not the kind that makes him cry when he's alone at dawn just blue enough that he doesn't feel so cold. 

every morning without a doubt he sees the two, coddled up with each other on a hammock they've set up between two trees. right there under the sun, eyes shut, bodies godsend. the sun will set. that's when they usually head inside, and renjun wonders if it's warm in there too. wonders if they hold each other like they do out in this open but closed space of theirs. 

beautiful beautiful boys who kiss each other and brush cheeks, bask in the sun and renjun can't do anything but want and watch.

its miserable, really.

to continue this peeking over and feeling alone. like black. like birds that don't chirp, that don't even show themselves. a heartbroken strum of the strings on a guitar. circus horns croaking. like death. can feel how cold and constant and how his heart moans from the pain of it, sings a song. 

he wants to jump over the fence. 

wants to say something but soon enough the sun melts into the clouds and as gold as the sky is now its too much. makes him feel grounded. but not in the way that he's here with other people. in the way that he sticks to the lowest level and there's no way he could possibly jump this fence now. 

why does the world want him to feel that way?

he can't answer. 

so new prays and prays that the sun will die. 

and that when it does these boys will too, so he can stop feeling. happy, fond. in love. wants to be alone and stay alone because feeling any other way and then falling back to the ground after running around in the clouds is like he'd jumped from a building. like a dead bird landing at his feet except his brought him here. so he prays for walking, that his body will step down and drag him away so he doesn't have to look anymore when the blonde haired boy leans down to press the softest kiss into the blue banged mouth of the beauty beside him. 

why not?

why not jump the fence and allow himself that little bit of happiness?

why does he have to be the one to _feel_ this way?

only him whos longing here, wanting and hating and dying when the sun dies and they die away too after time. till he's all alone. everyday its the same whether they sleep or they touch and he stares at them with love, far too much than his heart is capable of creating. everyday its only really him coming here to hurt and so he asks himself once again, just a stupid thought:

"what if I just went over that fence?" he thinks, "if I just go over will sunshine be warmer?" will the birds fly and the flowers bloom. will they open their arms to him, kiss him slow and love him completely. love him warm.

its all the sun and the fence, he guesses. 

they have to be the ones to give permission and tell him he can be happy. 

so soon enough when they get up and head inside, ethereal boys painfully unaware of all this heart ache and these gasps of air renjun has to take because he's suffocating on all these tears and all this love he pleads. 

pleads that they say he can be happy too. 

knowing he never will he still accuses them, because he hates himself already so the only other thing to hate is this feeling. these unspoken words.

"why don't you just say it already?" renjun dies of the lonely right about then. curling up into a little ball to sob and shake and die. 

and he can still hear the birds over that fence chirp. 

if he could just go over it. 

**Author's Note:**

> rad museums over the fence makes me s o sad and lonely but at first I just had the thought of making Renjun lonely, reflect myself through him but the lyrics were more about longing and praying for someone to be with. so i went for a sad lonely esk theme.


End file.
